Letting Go of The Crib

This post was first published on my profile at BlogHer.

I was making my usual Mickey Mouse pancakes on a Sunday morning when it happened. I guess I was too distracted by the breakfast commotion to realize what was taking place upstairs. While I was busy attending to the specific requests of each child (milk in a pink princess cup to go with the pink plate for Sophia and orange juice in a Lightening McQueen cup to go with the blue plate for Tallen), Trey was already disassembling the crib in Tallen’s room.

For more than five years, this crib has held my babies. It started out as Sophia’s crib in the smallest bedroom in our house. The first time I got pregnant, I decided to keep the gender a surprise but once my little girl was born we added the girly pink princess bumper and sheets. I was in awe at how tiny Sophia looked curled up in the middle of the crib but she grew so fast. By the time she was two, she filled her crib with so many stuffed animals at night that there was barely any room for her to sleep.

Around that time, I found out I was pregnant again. A big white daybed replaced the black crib in Sophia’s room and we started painting the walls of the spare bedroom blue for our little boy.  Tallen was spoiled as a baby and preferred to sleep next to his mommy but by the time he was 7 months old, he was sleeping in his crib through the night. Instead of a crib full of stuffed animals like his sister, he only needed his "bubby" and blanket.  Now he can only fall asleep when he is lying in the far left corner of the crib and only after I have sang "Jesus Loves Me" to him (sometimes twice).

Tallen is tall for his age and we noticed that he does not have much room when he sleeps crammed into the corner of his crib.  I resisted the obvious solution for months but one Friday night, Trey and I spent the first half of date night trapped in the never-ending maze that is called Ikea.  We emerged about an hour later with several boxes that contained (we hoped) all the pieces of a twin bed and a twin mattress for Tallen.  Since Trey wasn't feeling well on Saturday, the boxes stayed in the car (fine with me).

As I was finishing my breakfast waitress duties on that Sunday morning, Trey came downstairs and asked me where I wanted to store the crib. 

"You already took his crib down?" I asked. "Why didn't you tell me you were getting ready to take it down?  I didn't get to say goodbye!" 

Trey just stood there for a moment, shocked at the panicked look on my face. 

"I didn't know it was such a big deal," he answered.

When it comes to major life changes, even happy ones, I become very emotional.  I cried at both my high school and college graduations.  While I was saying my vows at our wedding, I had to whisper them through my tears.  The night before Sophia's scheduled induction, I wept at the thought of losing the physical connection I had with the baby I carried in my belly for 9 months.

About a year ago, I wiped away tears as I wrote about saying goodbye to my journey to motherhood as I know our family is complete.  That crib was my last connection I had to my babies as babies... and now it was gone.  

A little while later when Trey was busy assembling the "big boy bed" we had bought for Tallen, I stood in the hallway running my hands across the rails of the pieces of the disassembled crib.  I touched the spots of bare wood where Tallen had chewed while teething.  I closed my eyes and remembered the hundreds of times I had leaned over the edge of that crib to place a sleeping baby inside.  Then I said my goodbye and with my eyes filled with tears, I let go... of my babies and the crib.  

Getting Over the Guilt - I Forgot to Bring Snack to School

Note: This post was written for and posted on my profile at Working Mother

Just this week, my daughter brought home a piece of paper from preschool. It was a note written to the parents, asking to bring a snack to share with the class on Thursday morning. The snack should be something from our culture and we were asked to write down the name of the snack and what was in it so the kids could discuss it in class. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I got the note Tuesday evening right after I got home from the grocery store.

Immediately, I felt pressure to come up with a healthy, wholesome snack that my daughter could share with her class. One that represented our culture (um, ok) and would be served in a classroom were re-heating was probably not an option.

How do I even define our family's culture? I'm from WV and, if pressed, could guess that my descendants were French-Canadian. My husband is from Louisiana, which is Cajun country, but my children have never lived in that state so Cajun cooking is not something they experience often.

On Wednesday evening, I asked my daughter what she wanted me to make for snack the next day. Her request was strawberry cupcakes with "red on the bottom and strawberries on top." I vetoed her suggestion, However I liked the idea of a mini cupcake sized snack so I started to brainstorm. Mini bread puddings, bite size mac-n-cheese, tiny egg frittatas... Unfortunately, I could not figure out how any of these represented our culture.

When I checked out the activity calendar that the school sends home each month, I saw that the next day was labeled "Foods from Around the World." Ok, since I could not come up with anything to represent my WV culture maybe I could expose these kids to some food from around the world. I quickly justified that the mini egg frittatas could be considered Spanish and vowed to make them once the kids were in bed.

Since my husband had a prior commitment, I was single parenting that night. After cooking dinner, feeding the kids, attempting to potty train my two year old and trying to keep the dog from eating play-doh off the kitchen table, I finally got the kids in bed about half an hour later than their usual bedtime. I pulled a muscle in my back earlier that week, and the pain not going away so I decided to sit down and rest. Knowing that mini-frittatas would not take long to make, I decided to bake them the next morning before school so they would still be warm.

Then for the first time in almost three years, I overslept for work. The sound of my son singing from his crib work me at 7:15 AM the next morning and I leaped out of bed to get dressed and out the door. By the time I sat down at my desk about an hour later, I suddenly realized that my daughter did not have a snack to take to preschool. Guilt, disappointment and dread settled in.

I immediately texted my husband and asked him to please apologize to her teachers and explain why we did not bring a snack. He assured me it was not big deal and not to worry. My response to him?

"You don't understand, I am a Working Mommy. That means there is more pressure on me to participate in her at-home projects, because I am not able to volunteer or attend most of her school activities! I feel so bad!"

My husband gently replied that I was the only one putting pressure on myself. He reminded me that its only pre-school and our daughter did not even notice that she didn't have a snack to share. He also said that the teachers understood and not everyone participates in classroom activities and we usually ALWAYS do.

By the end of the morning, I had let go of my guilt and disappointment and when I got home that evening, my daughter ran up to me and gave me a big hug. Then she ran right back to her dolls and started playing again but I felt forgiven.

Do you put unnecessary pressure or guilt on yourself because you are a Working Mother? Have you ever forgot about a project or snack for your child's school? Do your kids even notice?

Blogging Needs to be Back In My Life

I miss blogging.  More than I ever imagined. 

If my hubby can get my computer fixed soon, I can get back to writing in my spare time.

Until then, I am making a list of Christmas cookies to bake.  So far the requests are pretty standard:

Sugar cookie cut-outs (Sophia)
Chocolate cookies with peanut butter chips (Trey)
Chocolate Chip (Nestle Toll House original) (Tallen)
Oatmeal chocolate chip (Trey)

What cookies/candy/holiday treats do you bake every year? 

I think I am going to bake the Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls again this year, or maybe go back to french toast casserole for Christmas morning (because both of these can be made in advance). 

30 Days of Thanks - Day 28

Today is my first day back to work after taking 5 1/2 days off for the Thanksgiving holiday.  It was one of those trips where things went even better than we planned so we came back happy, healthy and ready to start the Christmas season.  For that, I AM THANKFUL. 

On Tuesday, we pulled out of Dallas around lunchtime so start our Thanksgiving road trip.  Trey was shooting a commercial for a local jewelry store in Shreveport that evening.  After expecting to entertain the kids by myself for the evening, we were all surprised when his shoot was finished in less than two hours.  After eating the free dinner at our hotel, we all piled on the pull-out bed in our room and watched Cars 2 together.  I was so excited when we woke up the next morning and I realized that the kids let us get a full 8+ hours of sleep that night!  Wednesday morning we packed up the car again and drove to Lafayette.  As soon as we got in town, we headed to one of our favorite burger places, Judice Inn, for lunch.  Later that evening, 18 members of the Suire family posed for a picture wearing bright red shirts as we prepared to participate in the Camellia Crossing 5K race in honor of Trey's late grandmother, Jane Suire.  That night, three Suires completed their very first 5K - Sophia, Nick and Mark (Opa). 

Thursday morning was Thanksgiving at the camp.  I made breakfast for the kids and watched bits and pieces of the parade between sitting outside in the beautiful weather.  We ate lunch around noon, then listened to Trey and Nick sing and play guitar for the entire family.  After the obligatory nap while watching football, the kids wore themselves out by playing with their cousins.  Instead of pumpkin pie for dessert, we made smores by the campfire that evening.  That night, I even managed to start reading a book that I checked out of the library 6 weeks ago. 

On Friday, I left the kids with Trey and took advantage of Black Friday deals to get some Christmas shopping finished.  I was one of the few women that was not pushing a stroller around the mall that day.  For that, I AM THANKFUL.  Later that evening, I put the kids to bed and stayed up late to finish the book I started the night before.  For that, I AM THANKFUL.

Saturday morning I was excited to go for a short solo run in the country.  However, it was a warm and humid outside when I started my run.  Then I startled some duck hunters as I ran by with my music blaring from my phone and I got chased by two dogs as I ran down the road.  Not so thankful for any of that. 

Later that afternoon, I sat in a dark movie theater with two little sleepy kids on my lap while we watched The Muppets. Memories from my childhood came flooding back while I was making new memories with my kids.  It was the first time I had ever taken both kids to the movies by myself.  Since we were running a little late, I did not have time to stop and buy popcorn for Sophia on the way into the theater.  Instead, I promised the kids I would take them out for ice cream afterwards.  A little while later, I sipped on a butterscotch shake as I watched Sophia spin in circles on a red bar stool at the counter in Borden's while I helped Tallen eat his ice cream. 

Saturday night, Trey and I met up with some of his old friends from Crowley.  After dinner, drinks and lots of laughter, I was beyond exhausted so we headed back to his uncle's house where I immediately crawled into bed.  Our drive home on Sunday was uneventful and I even took 2 (or maybe 3) naps in the car.  For that, I AM THANKFUL. 

It was an extra-long holiday weekend filled with family, friends, food and fun.  For that, I AM THANKFUL. 

30 Days of Thanks - Day 17

Ok, so I have missed a few days.  You will just have to cut me some slack because it has been one of THOSE weeks.  In fact, during the last few weeks I have been extremely stressed about work and it is affecting my sleep, eating habits, etc. As a way to handle the extra stress, I have been backing off the extra pressures of blogging and writing. 

But there is one thing that has kept me going and that is my family. 

In the last few days, I have received two or three comments about what I good job I am doing with my kids.  I have been told that I am a good mom, that I am setting a good example for my kids and that it is obvious that I love my children... 

For that, I AM EXTREMELY THANKFUL! 

These things are just what I need to hear when I am struggling to keep up with work responsibilities.  My family is the biggest priority (next to serving God) and I take comfort in knowing that they are loved.  Take a moment today to tell your mom, your brother or sister, your husband or wife, your kids that THEY ARE LOVED!  That might just be the thing they need to hear...